Saturday, September 26, 2009

An Afternoon with Sir Cliff and Some Guy Who Stole Half My Name

I've just spent the afternoon signing books at Borders, which was pretty fun. It's always hard to tell how these things are going to go - Will anybody show up? Will anybody want to buy a signed book? Will there be biscuits?

This time round I met a pretty healthy number of people - some fans, some people who'd never heard of Jimmy Coates (but have now), and a few who looked incredibly confused just to be in a bookshop. And there were many, many shortbread biscuits - excellent.

Apart from providing me with biscuits, the kind folk at Borders had set me up at a table at the front of the store, which is where you want to be, of course, but the downside was that I spent the whole afternoon with two books staring at me. Two books with remarkably similar covers:

I don't know which book came out first. I expect it was Sir Cliff's, but maybe it wasn't. And maybe it's just a coincidence. But I like to think that somewhere in the office of a publishing house one of the following conversations took place:

Publishing Lackey: So, Craig, we're really excited about publishing your life story. Especially all that juicy stuff about the balls and the glitter. But which of these cover concepts do you like?

Craig Revel-Horwood: No no no no no no no no! These will not do! I want to be a beloved national icon! MAKE ME LOOK LIKE CLIFF RICHARD!

Or was it this:

Publishing Lackey: Sir Cliff, we're honoured that you chose us to publish your words of wisdom.

Sir Cliff: It's more than my words of wisdom. It's my life.

PL: Of course, Sir Cliff. And your way.

Sir Cliff: Indeed. My life. My way.

PL: So, we were thinking of doing a sexy cover shoot. Perhaps you with your shirt off, running on a beach...?

Sir Cliff: Good idea... but what could be sexier than this?

PL: Er, that's somebody else's book.

Sir Cliff: Isn't it a sexy cover?

PL: Er, it's Craig Revel Horwood.

Sir Cliff: I know. All balls.

PL: And glitter.

Sir Cliff: But also balls.

PL: Er...

Sir Cliff: This is the look I want. Make it happen.

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